With the feeling of fall finally creeping into the air this week, it is hard to believe another year is coming to an end. This season is wrapping up for me in a somewhat disappointing but not altogether surprising way. This years trend seems to have been a struggle between remaining hopeful that I would get training back on track, and pull from other areas of my life shifting me away from racing. I had some decent races this year but never felt really motivated or driven; I seldom felt the hunger of competitive spirit spurring me on in training or races. With a lot of other things changing in my life, triathlon often took a back seat. Though I have loved and gotten so much out of the sport for so long, something has changed and whether I like it or not I am moving on.
I was talking with a good friend at the pool the other day as I floated back and forth listlessly. Being young and enthusiastic, he kept saying how I just needed some time off and that it was too much a part of who I am for me to just walk away. I will always enjoy athletic events and some level of competition but the commitment of time, energy and money it takes to competitive is just not what I want to do with my life any more. One of the things that I am certain of is that racing is no longer 'enough' for me. There are so many other aspects to life and who I am as a person that even if I had been much more successful, as I once hoped I would be, I know that it still would not have been entirely fulfilling. In some ways I am disappointed with the results I produced this year but that seems to be short lived and it doesn't leave me wanting to train harder or recommit. My body does not have the snap it once did and my spirit just doesn't hold the stubborn, self-flagellating attachment to the pursuit of my absolute physiological potential or that ultimate experience of a perfect race.
My interests have drifted on to new things and back to other things that I had set aside to have this time in my life to pursue my goals in this crazy sport. The people I have met and the strength I have drawn from them, the things I have learned and all the growth I have experienced in my life these past several years of racing will always be a part of who I am and for all of it I will be eternally grateful. I am so happy that I took the time to do it and I don't have any regrets.
The number of things that I want to do with my life is still so vast and I am really looking forward to delving into that list! I can not thank you all enough for being a part of this journey with me and making all of it possible! I got to see and do some incredible things and even though I fell short of some of my goals along the way, I feel fulfilled in the end result. All I ever wanted was to be able to take my shot at racing professionally and I got to do that...an experience I know a lot of people don't get the opportunity to have. It is and always will be very special to me and I am so glad that I had all of you along for the ride!