This was the last week of block training before my first big race of the year and I was focused on running a lot and running hard. I dropped an early week swim workout for a run because after how hard I swam last week my shoulders were questionable and I wanted to get a lot of run miles in this week. I was really tired by mid week and I realized that I have not felt that much constant fatigue since training camp in college. I hope that means I am going to be FIT after some rest.
I made the mistake of checking out the start list for Oceanside this week and there are some strong guys racing there this year. For some reason it is really hard to keep positive when I am going up against guys I know I can't beat. I know it would be unrealistic to expect to beat guys who are multiple ironman champions but I feel very strongly that a big win is what I need to validate all the work I am doing. This is a problematic desire because it is not in my nature to believe in my ability to do things that I have not done before. I know that I should be happy with the progress that I have made and be satisfied with any result that notes improvement but I have this nagging fear that despite my best efforts mediocrity might be my greatest achievement. I try hard to keep my goals and desires in perspective but to produce a performance that would establish me as a person of importance in the sport is what I dream of and fear I may never experience.
None the less I am enjoying all the training and adventures, the people I meet and the things I am learning. I am coming to understand myself as well as people in general better and learning a lot about the world through my experiences, so I am greatly appreciative for that. Although I know I am never going to make a million dollars racing triathlons, the support that I have received from those around me has meant more than I could have imagined and will be the great wealth that I have drawn from this time of my life, no matter the outcome.
This shot is from upper Bear Creek Road looking over Loch Lomond back towards Santa Cruz, out over the ocean and to Monterey in the distance. Unfortunately the phone camera does not do it justice. It was such a beautiful day and the vista almost took my breath away. Although I try to make the most of my time out training, I make it a point to stop if there is something worth taking a pause for because I want to make sure I have moments that I have savored and appreciated. If I have nothing else of value when I hang up my racing gear I need for the journey to have been worth it.
Thanks to everyone that supports me, shares in the suffering toil, and shows me the beauty they are capable of...it makes all the difference.
Swim 12,300 ydsBike 11.25 hrs
Run 54 mi
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